perfectionists . perfectionism

Assalamualaikum,

    Perfectionist or perfectionism. A lot of you have heard about this particular word and am sure too that a lot of you IS that word. Or not? Well, I'm one of them. I don't know if this is something that I should be proud of or something that I should cry about because it messes with my head. Like, it's both. Sometimes it's good and sometimes it's terrible.

    For example, the mistake that I did just now. A silly mistake. Yeah, workplace mistake and I'm gonna remember this for the rest of my life. Some will say that this is just a petty thing but no, not for me. I hate it when I make mistake and then that mistake affects other people. Like why?! Why the heck did you do that dear self?! Why??

    I know deep inside that it's okay to make mistakes but how come when it comes to myself, it is no longer okay? The mistake is not okay when I'm the one who did it. Here, I'm sure a lot of you perfectionists out there will relate. We often don't really care if other people make mistakes and will just say "oh it's okay, you learn from mistakes. you can just try again", yeah all that positive stuff, but when it comes to ourselves?!! woah brooo like, that's it. That's it for you, now you're a failure.

    Hmph. We're so hard on ourselves, aren't we?

    There are, of course, times when my perfectionist self helps me. A lot actually and I am grateful that I have this trait. But it also does feel heavy sometimes. Like, when you already did one thing right, you'll want to expect the next thing to also be good or even better. You want it to be perfect, not just in your eyes but in others too.

    I hope me, you, or anyone lah kan with this trait can be a 'lil soft to themselves. May it be because of your trauma or past events, I hope we all heal and can live doing just enough of whatever it is that we need to do. Even if we make mistakes, let's not dwell on it for too long okay? Although I know it's gonna be hard since it's like tattooed in our brains, it's okay. It's okay. ok I need to go and calm myself too lol